The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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