Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
