her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
