I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
