The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
