and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
