so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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