singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
