LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
