nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
