There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
