do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
