I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
