maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
