do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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