Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
