dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
