I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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