On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
