So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
