If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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