I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pants are for mortals
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
