i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
