We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
