Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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