No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
