there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
