I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
