I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The air taste purple.
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