8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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