Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
