I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
