Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
