VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
