my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i drank out of a bidet.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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