I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
