Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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