I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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