Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
