in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
