I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He shit in the fireplace
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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