Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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