My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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