The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
