Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
