I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
