We won't sleep together?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
