It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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