My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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