my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
