Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
