I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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